Goodbye, 2014!

2014.

I birthed a son. I watched him grow from squirming, weird infant to awesome, curious, nearly walking toddler.

What could be better than that?

What could sour that perfection?

Now that I feel like we are in the proper place for us, I am looking forward to more of these too fast, too slow, lovely, boring years.

Oh yeah, I was still pregnant at the beginning of this year... like really, really pregnant. 

Then, out popped Peatuk-Antares :) 

And he was very loved! 

But, oddly, spent most of his time asleep. 

Then, he grew up and got even more interesting. And interested. And adorable. 

Paiyak Development was born. Super proud of Nikola for opening his own web development business, and someday my content writing will fall under that business, too. 

And here we are, ready for next year. 

Fairtrade, Consumerism, and Buying Local

Two years ago, while I was in Turkey, I was taking a class on social resistance. It was a bit too anarchist for my taste (Did I really just say that!?!), but there were a few sections of the curriculum that really got me thinking. One of them was a critique of the concept of fair trade.

The articles we read and discussed, which I cannot find at the moment, focused on how fair trade is implemented on tea plantations in India. They showed how calling a plantation a cooperative takes away the few governmental protections plantation workers have without giving them the benefits that fair trade consumers assume fair trade implies. Ultimately, it results in higher poverty for the workers, and fewer educational opportunities for their children. Not really what you want to contribute to when you purchase fair trade.

I am not saying that all fair trade certified companies are like this. However, it is the problem when you use one set of standards and try to apply them as something meaningful across different types of industries, different sizes of companies, and different work cultures. It actually becomes harmful, not helpful.

Before taking this course, I was one of the westerners who thought fair trade was a great concept. I thought it was a way to be an ethical consumer without having to do constant research. Because, honestly, we have too many choices to research them all. Now, I am not anti-fair trade, but I do think it is more or less meaningless and definitely not worth the price mark up.

In almost every online forum I am part of, the idea of ethical consumerism (and ethical production) comes up at some point or another. Inevitably, someone jumps in with the simple solution of, "Just buy fairtrade certified products!"

I usually provide a few links to fair trade in regards to tea production and write a small blurb about how fair trade is not as simple and clearcut as many Americans believe. I usually advocate buying local, when possible or doing research about the specific brand you are purchasing if you really want to be ethical.

Usually, my comments are taken quite poorly. People get defensive. They say that at least fairtrade is trying, or there is no way to purchase the products they want locally when production is almost completely outsourced from America. I know to stop then. It is pointless. It is not my goal to make people feel bad about themselves, or even question their own spending habits. All I want is to give information to people who have already decided that they want to be fair and responsible consumers. Unfortunately, what I have learned, about others and myself, is that we only want to be fair and responsible consumers when it fits into our budgets and lifestyle.

We don't want to give up our technology, our clothing, our out of season food, and our great coffees, teas and chocolates. We want to buy them ethically, but if we can't, we will still purchase them, because we are used to them. They have gotten ingrained into our quality of life. Ultimately, we think we deserve them.

The other day, when this came up in my writing group, I had an epiphany. About all of the anger and guilt people feel and about my own shopping. When make excuses, such as,

"Researching ethical companies is impossible. It takes too much time and the information isn't there." 

OR

"What I want/need is simply not produced ethically."

OR

"Ethical consumerism is beyond my budget."

OR

"What I want/need is not produced locally."

We are more or less saying that our desire and comfort is more important than the living conditions of the people who produce what we consume. That hit me hard. Is my cheap cup of coffee more important than a child's education? Is my ability to drink wine, eat chocolate, or use a smartphone more important than someone's ability to eat and have adequate shelter? Am I really that selfish?

Of course, looking at it from the other angle, you have to wonder what would happen to these people is Europeans and Americans stopped buying their products. They have a very poor living at the moment, but how much worse would it be if they had no work? Is a boycott really the solution? Because the owners of sweat shops and tea plantations are already rich enough to not be hurt by closing down and retiring. It will only hurt the workers.

It is no wonder we just try not to think about where things come from and make blind purchases, hoping we are somewhat ethical. But ultimately, global consumerism has very little hope of being ethical. It is only when we start to focus on people and experiences as opposed to things that we might be able to make changes. Maybe.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Be Nice To Mothers

I will admit that before I became a mother, I was one of the judgmental ones. I liked to think that I wasn't. Honestly, I thought I didn't care about what mothers did because I didn't think motherhood had anything to do with me. But now I realize that I held an idea of perfect motherhood within me, and even if I never expressed my judgement, I was still judgmental.

The other day, two things happened that made me realize this. First, I  asked my husband to bring me a book to read while I  was breastfeeding. He chastised me, because Peatuk tends to get easily distracted. It's true, and I know I can't use my tablet or computer while he is eating. But still... I told him I would make him hold our son for half an hour three or four times a day, doing nothing but looking at him. Would he make it through a day? A week? I have been doing this for 10 months.

The same day, I was chatting with an old friend and I mentioned I had to go feed my son. He said he hoped I wasn't feeding him formula because his sister uses formula and he is certain it causes many negatives, like the child not being toilet trained by three years old. I think the first reaction that would have been natural is pride, because I DO breastfeed. But it wasn't. Instead,  I was angry.

Who is someone without a child to judge a mother as lazy because she doesn't adhere to his semi-researched ideals? How much does he know about breastfeeding, or potty training for that matter? What does he actually grok about raising a child? And what if I was supplementing with formula? Isn't that between me, my doctor, and my child? Not every person who wants to comment on my child but not take on the responsibility themselves? 

There are plenty of reasons a woman cannot breastfeed. But even if she can, it is draining, often painful when they learn to bite, and does not work well with work or any life outside of child rearing. But people assume that when you become a mother, you should take on these difficulties easily. Happily. With excitement.

I love my son. I love the bond we have created through breastfeeding and weaning will be difficult. However, I recognize how difficult it can be. I also know I could not breastfeed without the emotional and physical support of my husband and mother in law, who anticipate my trials an help me through them, whether it is bringing me a glass of water or rag to catch spilling milk, or taking Peatuk for a few hours so I can (finally) get some alone time. 

I could be one of those people who think that if I could do it, anyone should be able to. If I suffered through it, I should hold it as a standard to others. I am not though, and I like that about myself. When I struggle through something, my first thought is how I can make it easier for future people. Not, because I had to do it, it is only fair that others have to do it, too. This isn't about fairness. It is about compassion. It isn't about a gold standard for raising children, it is about the relationship between a child an those around them. 

Being a mother has taught me a lot this year. Above all, I think it has taught me compassion. And I ask, whether you have kids or not, please stop judging mothers. 

Gabrovo

It is official. Really official, seeing how we have internet in our new place... We have moved to Gabrovo, Bulgaria.

For those of you not from Bulgaria:

Gabrovo is a long (23km), thin city in the middle of Bulgaria, in the Stara Planina. It clocks in with a population just shy of 60,000, which makes it a bit larger than the city I went to high school in, but a bit smaller if you combine it with its neighboring valley. It has a river that runs through its center, and it is quirky. It has a museum of humor, mostly poking fun at the historical precedence of people from Gabrovo being overly frugal.

Gabrovo is surrounded by mountains. I walked to the store today and I looked up at the hills all around me and I felt completely protected. Downright snuggled. The mountains provide road cycling, mountain biking, hiking, camping, and skiing, all pretty much right outside our front door.

Well, actually, the bus station is right outside our front door, and there are regular buses to take us further out and away into the fresh mountain air.

The city is about half an hour car ride from the geographic center of Bulgaria, Uzana, where Nikola and I apparently met the first time (neither of us remembers it) and where we were married.

We haven't even been here a week, but I am starry eyed about this place. Optimistic. It feels like the perfect size for me. Of course, I am also hesitant. I get the one year itch that all military people get. I guess it doesn't matter if I wasn't in the military, moving around with my father got me on the schedule and now I find I have a need to search and discover and unlock new places. Relocate. Relocate. Start looking one year in, and after two I am on my way again. I hope, for Nikola and Peatuk's sake, that I can settle down and be satisfied in Gabrovo.

Our apartment here is definitely small. It is one bedroom, a living room, and a kitchen. I adore it. Nikola likes it, but he likes more modern apartments and more space. I am hoping that once he rents an office and can expand a bit more, he will feel satisfied as well.

It is strange. Our bedroom is medium sized. It isn't particularly large, but not one of those tiny boxes. However, I realized that I would have no clue what I would do with all of the extra space if Peatuk's crib and dresser were not in there. I suppose I would have a desk in there, or maybe a craft corner. What do people who don't have a baby in their room do with all of the extra space? Eventually, Peatuk will move out into the living room. Maybe. Or we will keep him in the bedroom until we move into a bigger apartment or a house. I like having the family sleeping room, except it is a bit rough on the intimate life.

Our kitchen is super green, which matches my dishes and furniture perfectly. Yay! for that. Our living room will take some work. I am not really sure what to do with a living room. Most people put a television in it. We have one. I am not sure that I want to encourage lots of tv though. So, I am guessing it is going to end up more like a reading and play room... oh well. There is nothing but time to figure it out.

Until then, I can only say... I am home!!! 

9 Months Is Apparently the Golden Age

The past month and a half have been incredible parenting months. Peatuk is 9.5 months right now, and he is amazing. I mean, downright charming. I mean, heart-meltingly adorable. Yeah, he is that good right now.

Here are some of the oh-too-awesome things he is doing:

• He is stable on his feet when he has something to hold onto. This means he can cruise around the room with limited supervision and not randomly fall on his cute little head when he forgets to hold onto whatever is in front of him. 
• He has mastered the art of bending his knees to sit down, so he can freely go from crawling to standing and back again. 
• These two things make for a highly mobile baby, and mobility allows him to express interest in different things. He crawls to the people who interest him, picks out toys on his own, and is generally developing a personality. 
• He has learned that when he laughs, other people will also start laughing. When there is a lull in the conversation he will look around the room, make eye contact with someone, and then do his fake little laugh to get things started. 
• He wants to walk. The other day, he randomly turned away from the bed, let go everything and tried walking. He immediately face-planted and I nearly had a heart attack. He is okay, but it is something we have to be on the outlook for these days. 
• We have started elimination communication- and he loves using his potty. (We are NOT potty training yet! As far as I know, no 9-month old has bladder control. We are just getting him used to recognizing when he eliminates). He has also learned to clap when he pees, so now we know when immediately when he pees in his diapers because he randomly claps. 
• He is learning soft touch. Slowly. Very slowly. Actually, he is not learning soft touch. We are trying to teach him soft touch. 
• He babbles more, and it actually seems that he is trying to communicate with some of his babbling. I am almost certain his first word will be dada, but it might be banana. 
• He can express when he wants me to do "itsy bitsy spider" for him. :) :) :) 
• He can eat all sorts of soft foods- bananas, steamed carrots, boiled potatoes, sweet potatoes, basically any cooked vegetable. We still have to cut up meat really tiny for him. He also is mastering the pincer grip, so he is able to pick up small pieces and bring them to his mouth, greatly expanding the foods we can give him. 
• He gets very happy when he sees me or his father after we leave him with his grandparents. 

The list goes on. But basically, he is totally at that golden age where he is still a baby but developing toddler skills really fast, which simply blows my mind. 

How much one little human can learn on a daily basis is amazing and inspiring. It makes me thirsty to learn and explore with him. I can't wait to take him to museums and travel with him. It is going to be so very cool. To hear his opinions. To develop our relationship... there is so much to look forward to.

At the same time, it is bittersweet, because I realize that we are rapidly leaving the baby stage. He is starting to self-wean- getting more of his calories from solids and only wanting to breastfeed for comfort or at night. I am definitely not ready for that, and I hope it is just a phase and that he does not fully wean. Of course, that means that we can leave him with his grandparents for hours at a time, which is amazing in its own way. He is outgrowing his clothes every months now. 

Soon he will be walking, talking, eating, and eliminating by himself, and I know that will greatly change our relationship. His 'need' of me will change. So, yes, it is sad. But at least there is so much cool going on that keeps me distracted from the babyness that is fading.